He shall wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. ~Revelation 21:4I know that people mean well. I know that they are trying to soften the blow, bring sunshine into my life, comfort me and my girls; however, it's just not true.
My hubby is no longer here. He's not with me every day. He's not watching over us. He's not my (or my girls') guardian angel.
And you know what? Thank God for that.
I don't want him to see us hurt. I don't want him to see us miss him. I don't want him to be aware of missing the important events in our lives that we talked and dreamed about. I don't want him to watch me fall in love with someone else. I don't want him to watch someone else parent his children. I don't want him to be aware that he missed his oldest daughter's first deer kill, 2 days after his death. So many things I don't want him to see..........
It is very clear in scripture that those who have gone on to Heaven cannot see earth. At least, that is my take on it. How would it be possible for there to be no sorrow or pain if they could look back and see the mess of this earth? How could my hubby not have sorrow or tears if he saw my girls upset? If he could see my oldest daughter go to his grave and not be physically able to get off the quad and go talk to him? If he could hear my 7yo tell me that she misses him everyday and that she dreams about him?
It's just not possible.
So, even though I know people are trying to lessen the blow, I have to bite my tongue when these comments are made.
I used to be skeptical of "I've been to heaven and back books", but after my hubby died, someone sent me a copy of "90 Minutes in Heaven"......
Even though I already believe that Heaven is amazing and wonderful and that my hubby is the lucky one for getting to go there, there was a part in this book that really cemented my peace, if you will, about the moment of death and what happens. It was a great comfort to me to read this.....
"I wasn't conscious of anything I'd left behind and felt no regrets about leaving family or possessions. It was as if God had removed anything negative or worrisome from my consciousness, and I could only rejoice at being together with these wonderful people." ~ 90 Minutes in Heaven, by Don Piper (pg.26)
My hubby is in absolute bliss. More than I could even imagine. Yes, I miss him, but it would be incredibly selfish of me to wish him back. I more so wish that I was with him....not that he was with me, and in my time, I shall be.
Death is an all around crappy deal, for those of us left here to deal with it, but in time our chain shall link again. My comfort comes from knowing that my hubby is here....in our memories.
He is a smile on my oldest daughter's face and in her picking on everyone. He is here in my 2nd daughter's love of anything outdoors. He is here in my 3rd daughter's love of snuggling and being part of a family. He is here in my baby's unconditional 'I love you's'. He is here in my memories of dating and marriage and growing as a couple and as a family. He is in funny stories and so many 'one liners'. He is intertwined in every aspect of the last 17 years of my life.
God is with me, He is holding my hand and giving me contentment. He is the creator of beautiful snowfalls and sunsets. He is the orchestrator of new adventures in my life. He is my peace and comfort. Not my husband....my husband has better things to do right now.
My husband will forever be with me and my girls in our memories, but he cannot see us or walk beside us or create outdoor glories for us.....and for that I am forever grateful. He is enjoying his heavenly reward and I can't be more happy for him....sad for us, but so happy for him......
And the knowledge that we will see him again is the best comfort of all.....................
Questions about salvation~the way to heaven? click here or contact me @ nicolesearfoss (at) hotmail (dot) com
Linked to: Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Growing Home, A Mama's Story, Raising Homemakers, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home,
Thank you for sharing! I love your positive attitude and outlook on Chad's passing. Love you guys and miss you:)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing! I love your positive attitude and outlook on Chad's passing. Love you guys and miss you:)
ReplyDeleteWell said!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad someone grieving finally addressed this issue! No one has ever told me this because, thankfully, I have never lost anyone really close to me. I am so sorry your husband has passed away but you are 100% right, he's not become your guardian angel or the one directing your life....that's God's job and your husband has gone on to his peace and reward, not taken on another job. I would never say that to anyone, for those who have no hope, the grave is final and it's a horrible and depressing thought. In turn, I never tell anyone that their loved one is their new angel or any of that sort, it's just not Biblical. Thank you for saying this in such a sweet and gentle manner and I want you to know, I've been praying for you and your family over the past couple months. God bless you all as you continue on in your husband's legacy.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I appreciate your prayers :)
ReplyDeleteLove and miss you too!!!!
ReplyDeleteYour outlook is beautiful. I can just picture him in Heaven. Thank you for sharing on this subject.
ReplyDelete
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ReplyDeleteBlessings to you and your childten!
God bless you. Angel
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. I'm grateful to hear this point of view. Many prayers to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. I'm grateful to hear this point of view. Many prayers to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI made the mistake of reading your post at intermission...cried they the first part of the second half...God bless you and Rain his peace on you every day
ReplyDeleteI made the mistake of reading your post at intermission...cried they the first part of the second half...God bless you and Rain his peace on you every day
ReplyDeleteI'm here from Time Warp Wife. I just wanted to let you know that I will be keeping you and your girls in my prayers. And also, that I'm going to purpose to remember "what if I only had one more time" with my husband and live it out daily.
ReplyDeleteMay God continue to grant you peace in the days, months, and years to come, Nicole...
I saw you're story on Time Warp Wife. Thank you for sharing your story with us, but thank you most of all for allowing your story to teach me a lesson. You and your family will be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI found you through Time Warp Wife, and thank you. I will be praying for you and your family. Your strength in God is evident through your words and reading it is absolutely inspiring! Thank you for sharing with me! I try to live my life like each day is my last, but lately I've been slacking and irritable. I am grateful for your sweet words reminding me to re-focus. Thank you and God Be With You!!
ReplyDeleteI too found you through The Time Warp Wife.
ReplyDeleteWe have lost many family members in the last couple years, and your words brought me comfort. Please know that I will pray for you and for your children. May our heavenly Father give you much grace, strength and comfort as you walk this road of loss.
Nicole I'm am glad you are honest and aware of reality.. GOD does some pretty amazing things and out of consciousness we as earthly people need to make it seem that there is a special thing connected to their loved ones passing.. Instead of giving God the glory.. I praise you in your strength and weakness because without each you can not grow..
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing response to such a painful loss; which is only made possible through a deep, abiding relationship with Jesus. May you continue to find peace and comfort in His arms.
ReplyDeleteNicole,
ReplyDeleteMy husband went home to heaven in a tragic accident on July 15th of this past year. I am so sorry for your loss. I am happy for your husband as you are. I understand what you mean. I want you to know that you and your girls will be in my prayers as the days, weeks, and months go by. I pray that you continue to feel God's amazing comfort and supernatural peace through it all. God bless you.
God Bless You and Your Family. <3
ReplyDeleteGod bless you Nicole..I am so sorry for your loss, but so grateful that you are faithful to post this for the rest of us. I know that God uses all things for good and I need to use your testimony to apply to my relationship with my husband. We were separated for a year and are know reconciled and I need to take this relationship seriously, because, as you have said, you never know when it is the last time..
ReplyDeleteI too came over from Time Warp Wife....You have encouraged me more than I know how to encourage you. I have been dealing with grief and guilt since my dad passed away suddenly in Sept. I know these words you say but for some reason it really sunk in today. Thank you! I will be praying for you and your children!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, for your loss. I came over from the Time Warp Wife. I know it's of little solace but this post blessed me. What's an even greater blessing to my heart is even in the midst of grief you took a moment to share the plan of salvation. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful perspective you have ... and you are so right. Our loved ones with the Lord are praising Him and rejoicing in Him. One day, we will be there too and until then, we have to bear the separation.
ReplyDeleteMay God continue to bless you with that 'peace that passes understanding' - that is God's gift to you, and let nobody make you think you have it because 'you're not wise'.
Blessings to you and to your lovely children. May they know the comfort of their Heavenly Father through the loss of their earthly father.
Anne x
Nicole, I remember reading your post about "what if you didn't have one more day." I am so sorry for your loss and I pray that the Lord will continue to uphold you in His love, peace, and joy.
ReplyDeleteYour wisdom and strength are truly uplifting. Thank you for reminding me of God's perfect love
ReplyDeleteNicole, I lost my husband on June 14. Not everyone will understand your desire for heaven. Some of my family and friends believed similar things that I posted to be despondency and became worried for me. I do get your being happy for him--oh, yes. Where the heaviness has lifted somewhat, there is still joy to know as confidently as I know my name that he is doing exactly what he was created to do--praising our gracious, merciful, provident God. Be courageous. May our Lord pour out His grace on you and your beautiful family.
ReplyDeleteHi Nicole...I'm visiting from Time Warp Wife. I have no words...I cannot imagine your pain and grief. I pray that God will give you peace and comfort. Thank you for sharing your heart and helping others to appreciate what we have. God bless you and your precious children.
ReplyDeleteI read your post on TW Wife. Very beautiful and very convicting, thank you for sharing and reminding us not to take our loved ones for granted.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss! I know that people mean well but sometimes I think they should just keep their mouths shut and stick with "I'm sorry." Which is what I am going to do. ;) Except I will say that I am praying for you and your precious family!
I am just now seeing your blog from Time Warp Wife. I have whispered a prayer for you and your precious children. God's grace is amazingly sufficient and we never realize the depths of that until we are faced with something like this. His grace then does become amazing!
ReplyDeleteNicole, I was directed here from Time Warp Wife as well. and you are RIGHT ON. My first husband died in surgery when I was only 24. He had been my best friend for 9 years and I remember all the well-meaning comments like the one you addressed in this blog. And I remember the peace in knowing that he was where his heart had always belonged. Keep clinging to Jesus, He is always good. (If you are in the market for some new reading check out Elisabeth Elliot's, A Path Through Suffering.)
ReplyDeleteNicole. The Lord lifted my mother in love to be with Him a few years ago. She was such a gift in my life. A presence that I did not consider being able to go forward without. But, God chose to remove her from this earth. For that I praise Him because His sovereignty is always perfect. I know the goodness of His plan will prevail. But I completely understand your sentiments and recognize the emotions you are facing. I also do NOT believe that my mom is my personal guardian angel now. Have not found scripture to support that. Can she see me? Well, who knows (Hebrews 12:1). If she can, I believe it is with a heavenly and perfected mind, and so she does not interpret my travesties in the light of iniquity. If she can't, that's fine too, because as it should be, praising God is her eternal gift.
ReplyDeleteThis lifting of love of your husband is still fresh...and I want to encourage you. Not having my mom with me was unthinkable. However, I can attest to the careful weaving of grace, dependency, love, and trust from God's hands since her departure. The hurting does ease. The moments of grief do lessen. Cloak yourself in the armor of Christ (Ephesians 6) and refresh yourself in the pastures of His peace (Psalm 23). He will continue to sustain you as He uses you to reflect His incredible glory in the most difficult of times.
Prayers abound for you and your family.
Nicole this is so true. Beautifully written. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, I read your post that Time Warp Wife posted and it meant a lot to me today. Thank you for blessing me.
ReplyDeleteI remember being so angry at God a few yrs ago for not healing my father the way I had begged before he died. One day I finally laid it all out and yelled at the ceiling and told Him how I felt. I heard Him so clearly say in my heart, " It was My turn, Deb". He so gently reminded me that my father's heart had belonged to Him first and foremost. My turn will come again to be with my father, but I wouldn't want him back here , he's in the best place.
ReplyDeleteI pray that God will encourage your heart daily and strengthen you
You are amazing Nicole! Fantastic outlook! God bless you & your little ones!
ReplyDeleteMay you continue to impress upon your children the complete trust and faith you have in our Lord. This blog has some truly heart-wrenching stories but your belief turns it into a story of hope. All because of your faith. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteMay you continue to impress upon your children the complete trust and faith you have in our Lord. This blog has some truly heart-wrenching stories but your belief turns it into a story of hope. All because of your faith. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you dear Sister of the Lord!!!!! Your shining for Jesus in the midst of this . Amazing. :-)
ReplyDeleteYou are such an inspiration and you are absolutely correct!! I'm humbled to call you my sister in Christ even though we have never met. Will be praying for your family and that continued peace that only Jesus can give!!!
ReplyDeleteNicole, I am truely so sorry to hear about your husband. I do not know if you remember me? I bought some Christmas decorations from you a few months before Christmas. Why I bring that up is because I remember picking them up from your house so clearly. I kind of got lost, which is not unusual for me. I then remember pulling in and seeing your girls in the driveway with some cute puppies, and they were so sweet as they were willing to show them to my twin boys in the back seat. I remember thinking you were so blessed with some kind, beautiful girls. Later I seen a post on facebook about Chad, and I was so sad for you and your girls. I got on your page to friend you and I seen something about this blog. I followed it because at this time I was searching for God and his joy, because I was in a deep depression and knew I needed God, as hope and joy were no where to be found on this earth for me. I had such a lonliness deep within me, even as my husband and babies were in the same room. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I still wept for something more. God has called me before, many times. I would grow close to Him and then let my lonliness actually seperate us, as I searched for some one here to fulfill my need. But I knew this time that God was the only hope I had to ever find true happiness. I read through your blog, for hours. Your words touched my heart, as I knew God was speaking through you. I have began going to a new church, and God has shown me that He still loves me, even though I have turned my back on Him. I am feeling His hope and joy more everyday. I am praying that He will help guide me in my marriage, though I know that I need to be patient and wait on Him. And, with your help, I know I need to be a helpmate to my husband, though I know He isn't always making the right decisions. You have helped me to see ways that I need to be a better wife and mother to please God, as I want to please and obey Him. Thank you Nicole. Please pray for me as I know there are things in my life I need to change. I am confused in someways about my marriage, as my husband does not follow God, though he has been opening his heart up to go to church. How do I obey God by standing by my husband when I know the things he does are not obedient to God? I believe I should stand by and trust God to help Him, but how do I stay away from the things of this world when I see them daily? I am sorry, I know you are at a loss. I have been praying for you and your girls. Please pray for me and my family too. Thank you
ReplyDeleteI feel compelled to reply to your comment. I have gone through something similar to what it sound like you are going through. I was a very controlling wife, and also very unhappy. Our marriage was falling to pieces. I reached to God for the answer and was lead on a journey to become a submissive wife. All the while bringing me closer and closer to God. I started out reading the surrendered wife. The advice in the book helped me learn to give up control (or the illusion of control as I see it now), and allow my husband to take the lead. The more control I gave up, the better my marriage became, and my relationship with God got stronger and stronger. My husband is a believer, but does not have a strong faith. Andwhen my journey first began he was very much farther away. What I came to realize though is being submissive is not really about your husband as much as it is about doing the right thing for yourself and following Gods will for you. Your husband is a sinner, but so are you, and so am I. The best way to handle his defiance to God is prayer. Pray that he can see where he is wrong, and that he will allow God into his heart. Prayer is a very powerful thing. It is difficult to not get caught up in the ways of our society, ask God for help. I have found that the closer my relationship has gotten the stronger I have become, and the easier it is to resist those things. Be encouraged, God is leading you, be submissive to him as you would like to be to your husband and follow his lead. I.e. do.recommend reading the surrendered wife, as well as love and respect, and the power of a praying wife. I have just stumbled upon this blog today through time warp wife and have been so touched and convicted. Your story is such a testament to how God is using this family for his glory. I will be praying for you and your family Lynn, as I will be praying for Nicole and her beautiful girls.
DeleteI feel compelled to reply to your comment. I have gone through something similar to what it sound like you are going through. I was a very controlling wife, and also very unhappy. Our marriage was falling to pieces. I reached to God for the answer and was lead on a journey to become a submissive wife. All the while bringing me closer and closer to God. I started out reading the surrendered wife. The advice in the book helped me learn to give up control (or the illusion of control as I see it now), and allow my husband to take the lead. The more control I gave up, the better my marriage became, and my relationship with God got stronger and stronger. My husband is a believer, but does not have a strong faith. Andwhen my journey first began he was very much farther away. What I came to realize though is being submissive is not really about your husband as much as it is about doing the right thing for yourself and following Gods will for you. Your husband is a sinner, but so are you, and so am I. The best way to handle his defiance to God is prayer. Pray that he can see where he is wrong, and that he will allow God into his heart. Prayer is a very powerful thing. It is difficult to not get caught up in the ways of our society, ask God for help. I have found that the closer my relationship has gotten the stronger I have become, and the easier it is to resist those things. Be encouraged, God is leading you, be submissive to him as you would like to be to your husband and follow his lead. I.e. do.recommend reading the surrendered wife, as well as love and respect, and the power of a praying wife. I have just stumbled upon this blog today through time warp wife and have been so touched and convicted. Your story is such a testament to how God is using this family for his glory. I will be praying for you and your family Lynn, as I will be praying for Nicole and her beautiful girls.
DeleteSorry for your loss. May God give you and your children the comfort you need. God bless you and your children..
ReplyDeleteI also came over via "The Time Warp Wife" blog to let you know that I will pray for you and your girls. I have been guilty of saying things that I thought were comforting, but I have a better understanding now that sometimes silence is best...thank you for sharing your story with us.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your daughters. *Hugs*
ReplyDeleteYour story is near and dear to my heart.. I lost my father at age 9.. I just prayed and will continue to pray for your strength, not only for you but mostly for your girls. I was that little girl..and still struggle sometimes. my mom lost it when my dad died. My family fell apart.. I know that times can get tough but you gotta stay strong for those girls! I pray for peace with your family, I pray that you all are protected from the evil that is going to try and sneak its way in. Praise God your husband is with Him in Heaven! I pray that if you should ever forget, for even a moment, when sorrow overcomes you, someway somehow you remember that our God is with you. And I pray you find peace in that. I pray that prayer for your girls as well, in JESUS name, Amen.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and your girls as you survive this loss. Thank you for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and your girls as you survive this loss. Thank you for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. <3
ReplyDeleteAnother person dropping by from Time Warp Wife. What a blessing of hope you have to see your husband again one day. Hearing what you had to say, about your husband not watching over you, etc was so refreshing. I agree, he is in a much better place, that he is rejoicing in the presence of his Lord and Savior. I think if he were to be able to look back there would be so many tears from missing you and your girls, heartbreak over a day when you might find someone to share your life with, and other milestones he won't be part of. I would imagine it would be so hard to wish for him back from where he is, but I would imagine there are moments of overwhelming desire for it. I will continue to pray for God to be your comfort. I'm so thankful for the promise that He is the Father to the fatherless. Lord bless you and keep you and your girls.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your family with us. You opened my eyes to my own actions. hugs to you and your girls.
ReplyDeleteI know our loved ones are still around us at times but in spirit & love. As spirit they dont take negative energy with them so its all good.
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