He shall wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. ~Revelation 21:4I know that people mean well. I know that they are trying to soften the blow, bring sunshine into my life, comfort me and my girls; however, it's just not true.
My hubby is no longer here. He's not with me every day. He's not watching over us. He's not my (or my girls') guardian angel.
And you know what? Thank God for that.
I don't want him to see us hurt. I don't want him to see us miss him. I don't want him to be aware of missing the important events in our lives that we talked and dreamed about. I don't want him to watch me fall in love with someone else. I don't want him to watch someone else parent his children. I don't want him to be aware that he missed his oldest daughter's first deer kill, 2 days after his death. So many things I don't want him to see..........
It is very clear in scripture that those who have gone on to Heaven cannot see earth. At least, that is my take on it. How would it be possible for there to be no sorrow or pain if they could look back and see the mess of this earth? How could my hubby not have sorrow or tears if he saw my girls upset? If he could see my oldest daughter go to his grave and not be physically able to get off the quad and go talk to him? If he could hear my 7yo tell me that she misses him everyday and that she dreams about him?
It's just not possible.
So, even though I know people are trying to lessen the blow, I have to bite my tongue when these comments are made.
I used to be skeptical of "I've been to heaven and back books", but after my hubby died, someone sent me a copy of "90 Minutes in Heaven"......
Even though I already believe that Heaven is amazing and wonderful and that my hubby is the lucky one for getting to go there, there was a part in this book that really cemented my peace, if you will, about the moment of death and what happens. It was a great comfort to me to read this.....
"I wasn't conscious of anything I'd left behind and felt no regrets about leaving family or possessions. It was as if God had removed anything negative or worrisome from my consciousness, and I could only rejoice at being together with these wonderful people." ~ 90 Minutes in Heaven, by Don Piper (pg.26)
My hubby is in absolute bliss. More than I could even imagine. Yes, I miss him, but it would be incredibly selfish of me to wish him back. I more so wish that I was with him....not that he was with me, and in my time, I shall be.
Death is an all around crappy deal, for those of us left here to deal with it, but in time our chain shall link again. My comfort comes from knowing that my hubby is here....in our memories.
He is a smile on my oldest daughter's face and in her picking on everyone. He is here in my 2nd daughter's love of anything outdoors. He is here in my 3rd daughter's love of snuggling and being part of a family. He is here in my baby's unconditional 'I love you's'. He is here in my memories of dating and marriage and growing as a couple and as a family. He is in funny stories and so many 'one liners'. He is intertwined in every aspect of the last 17 years of my life.
God is with me, He is holding my hand and giving me contentment. He is the creator of beautiful snowfalls and sunsets. He is the orchestrator of new adventures in my life. He is my peace and comfort. Not my husband....my husband has better things to do right now.
My husband will forever be with me and my girls in our memories, but he cannot see us or walk beside us or create outdoor glories for us.....and for that I am forever grateful. He is enjoying his heavenly reward and I can't be more happy for him....sad for us, but so happy for him......
And the knowledge that we will see him again is the best comfort of all.....................
Questions about salvation~the way to heaven? click here or contact me @ nicolesearfoss (at) hotmail (dot) com
Linked to: Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Growing Home, A Mama's Story, Raising Homemakers, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home,