It's been a while again. Guess that is probably how it's going to be for a while. I have the desire to write, but seem to be lacking the topic. Nothing seems to 'fit' me right now. This season of life is just so different than anything I've ever known.
I guess you could say that I'm going through withdrawal. It took me most of my life as a wife and mother to learn to actually enjoy it. I am thankful that I finally got to a place of serving my family and enjoying doing it, but it seems that as soon as I was comfortable and content with it, it was ripped away.
Yes, I am still a mom....but it's different. I love being a mom, but I LOVED being a wife. I grew to love the little inconveniences that my hubby created. I was happy to make his life amazing. I wanted nothing more than to make him so totally content that he had absolutely no reason to think that another woman did anything better than me. I knew him so well that I didn't have to ask him what he wanted or needed from me. I miss being that comfortable with another human being. I miss that knowledge of him that only came from hours and hours and hours spent together.
I am still in a good place. I still feel that my hubby got the better deal in all of this, but I miss being a wife.
I wrote that if your hubby didn't come home some day that the little annoyances wouldn't seem so bad.....and guess what? They really weren't. All those things that I got so easily irritated about, I would welcome now.
I am thankful that I was given the gift of contentment and foresight to not grumble about these things when my hubby was alive.......and in his absence......I can honestly say that they weren't a big deal.....and I miss them. I miss his messes. I miss his little quirks. I miss taking care of him.
Being a wife became who I was, and I miss it.
For so long it was degrading to me to 'cater' to a man.......but after my attitude towards him and my role in his life (as a help meet) changed, it was anything but degrading.
I had someone tell me after my hubby died that I always take care of everyone else and that they hoped I'd take the time now to take care of myself. Problem is, I don't want to. I am not an 'alone' person. Being a wife was the best thing in my life.
I am hoping that it is in God's plans for me that I remarry someday, but the nurturer in me is definitely missing that part of my life.
Put yourself aside and love on your family before the Lord wants them back.
Linked to: Women Living Well, Our Simple Country Life,
***I just read this post from Kelly @ Generation Cedar and it sort of sums up how I got to this point of 'missing' all that is being a wife. Great read!