I was laying in bed, alone, last night and was really thinking about how much I was having to intentionally have to not be crabby to everyone. It's sad really. And it's really not all about the hubs being gone, I'm just so unsettled right now.
I keep thinking that once spring gets here I'll be better, once I know if/where I'm going to work it will be better, once our house is done it will be better, once I lose this weight I'm working on shedding.....on and on and on.....
So, as I was thinking about all the stuff I'm waiting on to make me better (and happier) I got to thinking about my writing. When I was writing regularly, I had committed to be thankful. I had committed to see the best in EVERY situation. I refused to let myself be a downer.
And it made me content.
I read a post about getting your kids to stop complaining yesterday by Ann Voskamp.....you know, 1000 Gifts, keep a gratitude journal, that Ann Voskamp? Anyway, her advice to get your kids to stop complaining was to have them, daily, write down the things they are thankful for.
Duh....I know that. Why did I let myself get in this funk?
I was so good at looking at all of the little things and thanking God for them. Every hardship, every bump in the road, every rainstorm, and every good thing. I was good at seeing the blessing in a sunset, a warm breeze, a child's laughter, everything......and I was SO HAPPY.
My life was no where easy at that time, but I refused to worry and I was continually thankful for EVERYTHING....even the little, unnoticeable stuff.
I want to get back to her. I want that girl back that saw the good and joy in everyday experiences.
After I was contemplating all of this stuff last night (and read Ann's blog yesterday), I happened onto Laura's Gratituesday post today. I used to always write and link to these Tuesday posts, but I sort of forgot about them since my writing has been so sporadic.
So, even thought I'm still a smidge whiny that my love is gone for the week, I'm going to list what I am thankful for right now......and find that thankful, content girl again.
- For a rental house that we are able to stay in for longer than our lease because our house is taking sooooo long
- For the sunshine that is slooooowly melting all of this snow that just doesn't seem to want to leave
- For butter toffee keurig coffee this morning
- For days of quiet in which I can have time to think and really figure out what I stand for and want out of this life
- For the amazing way my children came through the hardest year of their lives and still can smile and know that it was all part of God's plan
- For my amazing husband and all that he brings to this family that was so broken
- For my husband's job that has stolen him for a week, but is steady and reliable
- For a close knit and supportive family system
- For a fit body that allows me to work out and shed this extra that I don't want to keep carrying around
- For all of the summer plans that we are getting excited about
- For all of the blessings that our family has received that are too numerous to count
Even on my worst day, I still have it better than so many people in this world. I really need to stay focused on that. I desperately need to remain joyful and thankful for every.little.thing. Maybe Ann is onto something.....maybe to kick start my contentment journey again, I'll start counting my 1000 gifts.....hmmmmm