"Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter." ~Francis Chan

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Looking for some feedback!!!!!!

I need some help.  I am thinking that none of this blog resembles me anymore.

My URL is indulgent aromas because I was in a candle business when I started this blog and that is why I started this blog.

The title of this blog is "I'm staying home with my mom" because I was a stay at home mom, and I was working this candle business to generate extra money while staying home with my children.

As I began writing, my focus shifted (as did my life).  I began writing about what was important to me....God, my marriage, and my family....instead of business related posts.  The ins and outs of everyday life for a homeschooling, stay at home mom.  My triumphs and struggles, my joyful days and my stress-filled ones.

Then it happened.  My husband of almost 14 years passed away very unexpectedly.  And I went into hiding, as far as writing went.

My life was so different.  I didn't know what was going on and I didn't know where to start.  Many have asked me when I'm going to start writing again because they miss it.  Honestly, I just don't know.

I feel that my biggest topic to write about was marriage and, while I'm married again, it's still all so new.  I feel that I still have much to say, but get hung up when I want to write.

My life is changing so dramatically right now and I'm just trying to keep my head above water.  I have so many questions.  I tend to be very critical of myself and have a bad habit of second guessing. I am a crazy over-thinker/over-analyzer.  I tend to make issues where there really aren't any.  I've sorta went from being a talker to one that tends to keep things hidden away.

It was just so easy when I knew exactly what I was doing......I knew where my place was, I learned to love it, and that was that........

Now I'm living such a different life......

Anyway....the point of this whole rambling post is that I think I need to re-do my blog.  New name, new URL, new "focus", new everything.  And I'm looking for suggestions.......

What did you enjoy about my blog?  What are your favorite topics?  I tend to write about very random wife/mommy moments.....is there any topic that you would like me to give my opinion on?

I am slowly gaining the desire to get back out there, I'm just very cautious of what I write about at this point in my life.  I want to make sure that no one in my newly formed family is offended......sometimes I feel that a post would be a good topic, but that I must share some personal stuff to get my point across and I just don't know where that line is yet.

Rest assured, I will NEVER air dirty laundry or disrespect my family for the sake of readership on this blog.  My goal for this blog is to share my life and experiences in the hopes that God uses my life experiences to encourage others that may (or may not) be in my circumstances.

I feel that the trials I've been through in my life are for a reason.  I want my story to be heard....and if that causes someone to come to (or back to) Christ, that's what I do this for.  I'm willing to share my joys and my messes if someone can walk away not feeling alone in this crazy thing we call life.

So.......throw your ideas at me.......I appreciate any and all of them!!!!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

So excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited to announce that I have been selected to be part of the launch team for Darlene Schacht's new book "Messy Beautiful Love"!!!  Darlene blogs at Time Warp Wife about the topic that is most near and dear to my heart.....marriage.

I am so excited to get reading this book!  I will also be doing the study guide along with it (which is part of the $50 worth of freebies that you get for pre-ordering!!!)

Back in the winter of 2013, Darlene was in contact with me, which in and of itself was an honor to me....but she was requesting the use of my post "What if you didn't have one more time" on her blog.  She titled it "If you never read another one of my posts...read THIS one".  

My blog blew up!  Darlene has many dedicated readers and I so appreciated her sharing something that meant so much to me.....especially at that trying time when I had just lost my best friend.

I truly am passionate about marriage and to have someone that shares that passion "feature" something I wrote was amazing!

She then contacted me about a new book that she was writing.  She was interested in using that post again, but this time in her book!

That post is in THIS book!!!!!  I am so excited, honored, and humbled!!!!

I got a sneak peak at that chapter and loved it.  I am so anxious to get into the rest of this book!!!!

I thought I had marriage all figured out the first time......but I now realize how different each marriage is.  While I believe that the fundamentals are the same, so many things are different for me now......and I am challenged in so many new and different ways.  I can't wait to work my way through this book and use the principles to strengthen my new, different (although wonderful) marriage.

I find myself  WAY over-thinking things WAY into the early morning hours WAY to often......excited to get encouragement through this book!

I have no doubt that some of the stuff in this book will spark blog posts, so stay tuned :)

Being part of the launch team, I got the $50 of freebies.....and they are awesome!!!!!!  So don't wait, go pre-order now.....I will bet that you won't be disappointed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Is what YOU want really worth the fight?

The saying goes, "If mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy".  And I suppose there is some truth to that.....but what if Mama chooses to be happy no matter what?  What if Mama decides that material things don't matter and that she's living for the eternal?  That the things of this life are only temporary and really don't matter in the grand scheme of things?

I am married to a man that makes it his daily priority to make me happy.  If he knows that I'm upset or worried about something, he is stressed out until he fixes it.  And if he can't fix it, it's even worse.  The old Nicole could've most definitely taken advantage of that and used it to get whatever she wanted at any given time.....but what good is that?  Who is genuinely happy in that circumstance?

The other day, he was telling me his ideas for what he was going to do to the stairs going to our new basement.  I, thinking I was saving him some time and money, stated that I liked it the way it was.  I was unaware that my tone made me sound like I was discounting his idea.  I genuinely was just saying that I was happy with the way it was......and, in my mind, trying to save him additional work.

But to him, I was unhappy.....and that's not ok for him.

So a disagreement ensued.  The more I told him I was ok with what he wanted to do and that I didn't care either way, the more upset he got.

We finally just stopped talking and finished up what we were doing.

Being newlyweds (it's been a year, but who's counting ;) ),  I can't stand the silence.  It doesn't happen much, and it never lasts long.....but it bothers me.  So, I dove back into the issue at hand.  I carefully asked what the problem really was and what he was upset about.  To which he told me,

"If you aren't happy, I'm not happy.  No one is happy.  I wanted to do this and you wanted it another way.  I just continuously try to make you happy and when I can't, I get stressed out."

To which I replied,
"I AM happy.  I was just saying that I was happy with the way things are....trying to save you more work and money.  Just because I say that I like something this way or that way doesn't mean that I'm trying to manipulate you in to doing it differently.  I was just voicing my opinion.....but I HONESTLY DON'T CARE EITHER WAY.  It's not a big deal.  NONE of this is a big deal........I am seriously happy regardless of how you do whatever".

This whole disagreement lead me to question 2 things:

  1. Do I act like a selfish baby when I don't get my own way?  Is that why he says "If you aren't happy, no one is happy" or is that just a saying that gets thrown around?
  2. Are women in general bossy and naggy and needing to have their way all.the.time and that has somewhat 'conditioned him' to try to make me happy just to keep the peace?
A few years ago, I came to a point where material things really didn't matter to me anymore.  I get that this life is fleeting and short and there are sooooo many more important things than whether or not our stairs are the way I'd do them.  I seriously, genuinely, 100% do not care about this little stuff.  

I care that my husband can call our home his safe haven.  I care that he feels safe and loved no matter what.  I care that he feels respected.  I care that my children are taught to love God and others.  I care that they don't let me miss one night of goodnight prayers.  I care that they are upset if we miss church.  I care that they learn how to be thankful for things they've been given.  I care that their life isn't about stuff or things.  I care that they learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.  I care that they develop a heart for winning others for Christ.

These are the things that I've come to care about.  All of these little things don't matter.  

I think women in general are categorized into being naggy and wanting their own way all of the time.  As a woman who is wired this way....I think it's true.  But it doesn't have to be that way.  Do the little decisions really matter in the grand scheme of things?  Are the little, petty things really worth fighting over?  

I agree that if mama ain't happy, ain't no body happy.....but why make your family miserable over things that don't matter?  Just because you might do something differently doesn't mean it's right or that it's worth fighting over.  

I'm thankful that I can be happy when I don't get what I want.  It's a struggle sometimes to keep perspective that this temporary, earth "stuff" doesn't matter.....but it's a much better life when you do.  I've been on both sides of the fence, and this one is much more relaxing.  There's so much more important stuff to worry about.....

Here's to not sweating the small stuff  :)

Linked to: A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

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