"Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter." ~Francis Chan

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Moving, jobs, and contentment......



Things are changing in the Young/Searfoss household!

We are finally getting very close to moving into our new house, probably within the week.  I am so very thankful for the rental that we've been in since last October, but I'm beyond ready to be in my OWN home again.  It's just very hard for me to be excited to do any housekeeping in this house because I just don't care.  It's not home.......so I'm so very thankful to be moving into our very own home very soon!

Also, for about the last year, I have been on the hunt for a job.  I didn't really know what I wanted to do or what hours I wanted to work, but it really didn't matter because I've done many interviews only to get the "kiss off" letter a few weeks later.  It was depressing to say the least.  I realize that I haven't worked in a while, but geez what is the deal????

I just kept telling myself that these jobs that I wasn't getting just weren't meant for me.  It just wasn't the time or place for me to be yet.  I prayed with each interview that if that wasn't where God wanted me, that He would just not let me get that specific job.  I trust in God's timing, but I was getting frustrated.  Maybe I wasn't supposed to work outside of the home?  Maybe I was supposed to work in the home for myself?  Maybe it was time to work on the book I've been asked about so many times?  Maybe I should go back to school.....but for what?  It was just a continuous prayer that God would put me where he wants me.....whenever and where ever that may be.

Sometimes I even felt guilty for even looking for a job.  How would my kids react?  Could I juggle home and work?  Who would be at my family's beck & call for all the stuff that comes up in any given week?  Isn't that a mom/wife's job, to be available for your husband/children at.all.times?

But then again, I'd think about all the women I know that work and how they make it work.  It's definitely not impossible.  You'd think I'd already know that since I came from a two-income home.....but I swear my mom is a superwoman......anyway, that's another story......

Sooooo, all of that to say this..........I START WORK ON MONDAY!!!!!

I had a family member go to bat for me and I got the job!  I will be working full-time so it will definitely be a change for my family, but one that I'm excited to take on.

I honestly feel that I've done a disservice to my children.  From the time they were born, I've never worked more than part time and even that was sporadic.  They have had all of me from day one.  A little background....I'm not much for hobbies.  I like to read, but other than that....my hobbies include hunting and that's pretty much it.  I'm not a crafter or baker or anything like that.  I don't enjoy many of the things that someone does that can occupy your time to be home day after day after day.

I got bored, because of that, I tended to do ALL of the chores just to have something to do.  I have discovered that I pretty much made my children complacent and lazy.  They tend to lean toward being entitled.  And I don't like it.

They are all plenty old enough to help out and be a part of the family, but they fight wholeheartedly to not have to do anything......including even cleaning up after themselves.  And this is my fault.  They have never had to.  I did it out of sheer boredom.  They have even told me that they don't need to do this or that because "you always do it".  Or when my husband tells them to do something they have stated "we don't need to because mom always does it".

I've created monsters :)

Anyway, though I already feel guilty on and off for not being available to my family 24/7....I AM genuinely excited to go back into the workforce.  I'm ready to dread Monday morning and be excited about Friday.  I'm over the moon too because, for the first time EVER, I will have an insurance card with MY NAME ON IT!  (it's the little things ;)  I'm excited to be able to stick money away and to be able to give to those in need (sooooo many people gave to me in my time of need and I am ecstatic to be able to give back).

While I'm fully aware that my self-worth has NOTHING to do with generating income, I'm excited to be earning a paycheck.  I'm excited to have benefits for myself and my family.  I've struggled to "find Nicole" in the last few years and I feel that right now, I'm exactly where I am supposed to be.  Like I said before, I'm not really a "hobby" kind of girl.  I LOVE to hunt with my family, but that doesn't fill up the days that are sometimes sooooooooo long while it's just me home all day.  I tend to let chores go because "what's the point?".  I can do anything whenever......it leads me to have very little motivation.  Now that I have to be somewhere and have a schedule, it will motivate me to get things done when I have the time to do it....because my free time will not be unlimited anymore.

I know that this will be a very big adjustment for me and my girls, but I'm excited about the challenge.  The place I will be spending my days is full of various animal mounts (they even have a company deer pole.....squeeeeee!!! :) and they manufacture/sell different types of logging equipment.......which if you remember is the type of business I was involved in with my 1st husband.

As I was driving home from getting my paperwork for this new job yesterday, I had the thought that I just felt at home.  It's been a long time.  But I feel at home and content with everything in my life right now.  From where I came from 2 years ago, that is an amazing feeling.  People don't know it, but the last year has been a struggle....to say the least. So, I'm so glad for the peaceful feelings I'm having right now.

I actually got call for another interview at somewhere different right after I accepted this job, but after going into start my paperwork yesterday, I felt that this job is where I am supposed to be, so I am cancelling the other interview.

With so many changes in the last year.....moving, the struggle with finding myself, struggling with contentment, so many unanswered questions, self doubt, hard times with my children, struggling to learn my new husband, feeling "less than" way too much, and taking job rejections personally. I am sooooo excited and ready to move on with this new chapter of my life.

I am ready to be settled into my and Jason's home (his first, btw....so excited for him!!!).  I'm excited to continue bonding together as a family.  I'm excited to grow as Jason's wife.  And, I'm excited to go to work!

Through this whole process, I just kept telling myself that when and if it was time, God would bring me the perfect job.  And He has.  God is good....ALL the time!  Our summer has been cRaZY with trying to get our house ready and I honestly didn't have time to work......God knows our situation and brings you things when it's time......It's a lesson in patience and dependence on Him, but when things finally happen, it's nice to be able to say "Thank you, Lord, for giving me what I need when I need it....in your perfect timing"!


Sunday, September 7, 2014

Looking for some feedback!!!!!!



I need some help.  I am thinking that none of this blog resembles me anymore.

My URL is indulgent aromas because I was in a candle business when I started this blog and that is why I started this blog.

The title of this blog is "I'm staying home with my mom" because I was a stay at home mom, and I was working this candle business to generate extra money while staying home with my children.

As I began writing, my focus shifted (as did my life).  I began writing about what was important to me....God, my marriage, and my family....instead of business related posts.  The ins and outs of everyday life for a homeschooling, stay at home mom.  My triumphs and struggles, my joyful days and my stress-filled ones.

Then it happened.  My husband of almost 14 years passed away very unexpectedly.  And I went into hiding, as far as writing went.

My life was so different.  I didn't know what was going on and I didn't know where to start.  Many have asked me when I'm going to start writing again because they miss it.  Honestly, I just don't know.

I feel that my biggest topic to write about was marriage and, while I'm married again, it's still all so new.  I feel that I still have much to say, but get hung up when I want to write.

My life is changing so dramatically right now and I'm just trying to keep my head above water.  I have so many questions.  I tend to be very critical of myself and have a bad habit of second guessing. I am a crazy over-thinker/over-analyzer.  I tend to make issues where there really aren't any.  I've sorta went from being a talker to one that tends to keep things hidden away.

It was just so easy when I knew exactly what I was doing......I knew where my place was, I learned to love it, and that was that........

Now I'm living such a different life......

Anyway....the point of this whole rambling post is that I think I need to re-do my blog.  New name, new URL, new "focus", new everything.  And I'm looking for suggestions.......

What did you enjoy about my blog?  What are your favorite topics?  I tend to write about very random wife/mommy moments.....is there any topic that you would like me to give my opinion on?

I am slowly gaining the desire to get back out there, I'm just very cautious of what I write about at this point in my life.  I want to make sure that no one in my newly formed family is offended......sometimes I feel that a post would be a good topic, but that I must share some personal stuff to get my point across and I just don't know where that line is yet.

Rest assured, I will NEVER air dirty laundry or disrespect my family for the sake of readership on this blog.  My goal for this blog is to share my life and experiences in the hopes that God uses my life experiences to encourage others that may (or may not) be in my circumstances.

I feel that the trials I've been through in my life are for a reason.  I want my story to be heard....and if that causes someone to come to (or back to) Christ, that's what I do this for.  I'm willing to share my joys and my messes if someone can walk away not feeling alone in this crazy thing we call life.

So.......throw your ideas at me.......I appreciate any and all of them!!!!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

So excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I am so excited to announce that I have been selected to be part of the launch team for Darlene Schacht's new book "Messy Beautiful Love"!!!  Darlene blogs at Time Warp Wife about the topic that is most near and dear to my heart.....marriage.

I am so excited to get reading this book!  I will also be doing the study guide along with it (which is part of the $50 worth of freebies that you get for pre-ordering!!!)

Back in the winter of 2013, Darlene was in contact with me, which in and of itself was an honor to me....but she was requesting the use of my post "What if you didn't have one more time" on her blog.  She titled it "If you never read another one of my posts...read THIS one".  

My blog blew up!  Darlene has many dedicated readers and I so appreciated her sharing something that meant so much to me.....especially at that trying time when I had just lost my best friend.

I truly am passionate about marriage and to have someone that shares that passion "feature" something I wrote was amazing!

She then contacted me about a new book that she was writing.  She was interested in using that post again, but this time in her book!

That post is in THIS book!!!!!  I am so excited, honored, and humbled!!!!

I got a sneak peak at that chapter and loved it.  I am so anxious to get into the rest of this book!!!!

I thought I had marriage all figured out the first time......but I now realize how different each marriage is.  While I believe that the fundamentals are the same, so many things are different for me now......and I am challenged in so many new and different ways.  I can't wait to work my way through this book and use the principles to strengthen my new, different (although wonderful) marriage.

I find myself  WAY over-thinking things WAY into the early morning hours WAY to often......excited to get encouragement through this book!

I have no doubt that some of the stuff in this book will spark blog posts, so stay tuned :)

Being part of the launch team, I got the $50 of freebies.....and they are awesome!!!!!!  So don't wait, go pre-order now.....I will bet that you won't be disappointed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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